


being as in love with you as i am

by jinhoes



Category: Pentagon (Korean Band)
Genre: College drinking, M/M, Past Character Death, Pining, Reincarnation, Soulmates, focus is on 2gu, from edawn to hui, that kind of fun stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-23 22:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9685373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinhoes/pseuds/jinhoes
Summary: It was only when he stopped that he realized there was no spark of recognition, like he’d expected. It was only confusion, and some apprehension, and an emotional distance that hit Changgu like a punch in the gut.Or,Changgu had spent three lifetimes trying to find Hyunggu again, and he's finally succeeded.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hongseok](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongseok/gifts).



> I listened to Angels by The XX and got soft for 2gu.
> 
> This is mostly skim edited, sry sbt that oops.
> 
> And this is gifted to Pyong, the one who made me like 2gu in the first place, and the one who helped me pick out a prompt; but most importantly, this is for Pyong bc I love her very, very much, and I'm so happy we're friends. It's not smut, it's all fluff, but I hope you enjoy anyway you dork <3

Changgu always remembered on his eighteenth birthday.

 

He’d wake up with urgent thoughts pressing against his skull, giving him an intense, unwelcome headache that persisted throughout the day. And throughout the day, memories would float to the surface of his mind, ones that told of past lives and past friends and past deaths, haunting him like ghosts. He rarely remembered specific details, only names and faces and laughter and emotions, but they made his heart long desperately for times the past him had been privileged to experience.

 

He had no idea how many lifetimes he’d experienced, or why he was remembering them. He caught fleeting glimpses of fires, the sensation of being impaled by a bayonet (sometimes dreams, dreams of falling and bleeding and crying, and black nothingness). This too, haunted him in a way that was disturbing and aging. One day he was eighteen, a kid. And the next, he was centuries old, cautious of what awaited him in the future.

 

He was twenty years old when he was invited to a college party with a few friends. Yan An, Hwitaek, and Hongseok were generally quiet guys, but they had some rowdy friends, so it wasn’t abnormal to get dragged out with them. And Changgu never minded it, quite the opposite really. He was a sociable person, and a fun-loving one at that, so a party was never something he hesitated to accept an invitation to.

 

Hongseok was laughing heavily about something when they all met up to carpool from his apartment. His face was red with humor and it took Changgu a few seconds for to realize that Hwitaek was red faced. He was trying and failing to keep a scowl on his face, the expression not really fitting of him in the first place, but the effort was certainly there.

 

“What’s happening?” Changgu half-whispered, like he wasn’t sure he should be asking. Hongseok straightened up slow, and brushed his hair back into place while Hwitaek shot him with a glare that didn’t stick.

 

“Hui just told me the real reason he’s dragging us out to this party.”

 

“Is there a secret?” Changgu asked conspiratorially, leaning in and lowering his voice dramatically. Hwitaek hit his arm and Changgu backed up a bit, laughing.

 

“No secret,” Hwitaek insisted, at the same time Hongseok said, “Hui has a crush.”

 

Hui turned and smacked Hongseok against the chest, making the taller erupt with more laughter. “I wouldn’t have said anything if I’d known you would react like this,” he bemoaned, setting his palm against his forehead in distress.

 

“A crush on who?” Changgu asked with interest. “Hyojong?”

 

“He’s my best friend, no,” Hwitaek said, shaking his head as if the idea disgusted him. “No. It’s, uh. He’s a drama major.”

 

“Maybe I know him, then,” Changgu suggested, tilting his head curiously. He was also a drama major.

 

Hwitaek appeared to be working a bit too hard to remain casual, cheeks dusted pink while he spoke. “Maybe. He’s a freshman.”

 

“He’s Shinwon’s  _ roommate _ ,” Hongseok added, and the way that he said roommate implied something that made Hwitaek deflate on the spot.

 

“It’s not like that,” Hwitaek insisted, shoving Hongseok’s arm lightly. “They’re just friends.”

 

A light knocking came at the door, and Hwitaek practically ran to let Yan An in. He was so easily embarrassed and fun to tease, Changgu thought, and directed his gaze to Hongseok, who only seemed enthusiastic to provide more information.

 

“I’ve met him a few times,” Hongseok said, and shrugged. “Honestly, he’s a cute kid. His name is Hyunggu.”

 

“Maybe Hui can actually get a number or a date tonight, then,” Changgu mused, and Hongseok barked out a laugh.

 

“That’s Hui. smooth and flirtatious,” he said, sarcastic but fond as Hwitaek reentered the living room with Yan An in tow. Changgu stood to his feet and straightened his jacket, Hongseok doing the same even as Hwitaek defended himself from the bad-talking he’d overheard.

 

“Don’t worry, hyung, we’ll help you get a boy,” Changgu insisted, pinching Hui’s cheeks teasingly while the older sighed heavily and nodded heavily. Hongseok snickered and Yan An looked between amused and curious. “I’ll tell you in the car,” he assured, and Hwitaek moved past them both to the front door.

 

“Let’s go!”

 

“He’s a little excited,” Hongseok mumbled to Changgu and Yan An, and Hwitaek let the front door swing in his face.

 

\---

 

The party was at Hyojong’s place and absolutely no one was surprised by it.

 

It was a smaller type of party, only about thirty people at maximum milling about, but it was packed enough that Changgu lost his friends he arrived with almost instantly. Thankfully, Hyojong himself found him quickly and greeted him with a big grin and an almost empty plastic cup of beer. Changgu could tell just by the smell that it was the cheap, gross kind, but Hyojong seemed to be having no issues with drinking it all.

 

“Hey, where’s Hui and everyone?” Hyojong asked curiously, peering over Changgu’s shoulders as though he may unveil them, hiding behind his short form. “They came, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Changgu assured. “We just got here, they’re somewhere. How long have people been showing up?”

 

Hyojong appeared to be actually contemplating the answer for about half a second, but then brushed it off with a shrug. “Dunno? Broke out alcohol, like, a half hour ago. Shinwon and Hyunggu and Jinho were here before that. You’re not late, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

“Hyunggu, huh?” Changgu asked, and the look Hyojong gave him was a question in and of itself. “Hui mentioned him.”

 

“He’s in my dance class,” Hyojong explained, “and he’s Shinwon’s roommate, apparently. I didn’t know that until last week. He’s around here somewhere.” He hummed, glancing around the visual area of the room and craning his neck to search around corners. “I don’t see him anywhere. You’ll probably see him later. Help me find Hui?”

 

Changgu agreed, and they’d barely even left the living room before Hyojong stopped and pointed to the kitchen counter. “Found him. And oh, that’s Hyunggu right there too.”

 

Changgu followed his pointed finger and froze, comically, his body half turned and his mouth somewhat hung open, because with just one look he  _ knew _ , he knew instantly who he was looking at.

 

\---

 

He wasn’t called Kang Hyunggu then, and Changgu wasn’t Yeo Changgu. They had different names and different appearances, lived somewhere else, were younger and friendlier when they met, young enough that neither of them had remembered their past lives yet. It was three incarnations ago for Changgu, and who knows how many for Hyunggu, but it was one of his most vibrant memories in every incarnation since. Several of his most vibrant memories, in fact. Memories of Hyunggu smiling at him, memories of them laughing and running and playing together as kids, growing up together, sleepovers, and a deep friendship that eventually became something more.

 

It was one of Changgu’s youngest deaths. They’d only been seventeen when Hyunggu’s dad had crashed his car on the highway, and killed both of them instantly.

 

He was willing to guess it was also one of Hyunggu’s youngest deaths, but he’d never had the chance to ask. At the time they’d died, Changgu hadn’t even remembered his past lives- only Hyunggu had begun to get slow, trickling inklings of events past. He remembered them searching together, finding evidence that the things Hyunggu remembered had been true events from books and television. It was surreal at the time, and exciting, and Changgu often wondered what would have happened if they were still alive when started to get his own memories back.

 

When he’d remembered during his next life, his heart had settled into such a persistent and longing ache that he’d made it his life’s mission to find Hyunggu again. And he’d tried his damnedest, too. It wasn’t exactly easy when he had absolutely no idea whatsoever of what to look for, but he’d tried, and made no progress in his years of that life before he’d died. And the story had been the same for his second life following his one with Hyunggu. He’d remembered on his eighteenth birthday and spent years searching, desperately, in vain.

 

It was only this life that he’d decided to calm the searching somewhat, and accepted that there may be nothing he could do unless he stumbled upon the right thing, the right hint that would lead him back to the soul he missed so dearly it hurt.

 

When they met eyes across the room, they were  _ his _ eyes, and Changgu stopped breathing.

 

\---

 

“Are you alright?” Hyojong asked at his side, clearly and understandably confused by the actions Changgu was taking, and Changgu could hardly blame him. He probably seemed like a whackjob to react to strongly to nothing, but he couldn’t help but to just nod vaguely and walk up to the counter, eyes not leaving Hyunggu’s the entire way.

 

It was only when he stopped there that he realized there was no spark of recognition, like he’d expected. It was only confusion, and some apprehension, and an emotional distance that hit Changgu like a punch in the gut.

 

“Hey,” Hwitaek greeted, startling Changgu out of his trance and making him break eye contact with Hyunggu by some  _ miracle _ . The welcome was to both him and Hyojong, the latter of whom was still eyeing Changgu a little weirdly. “Oh, hey Hyojong, too.”

 

“Hey, Hyojong,” Hyunggu echoed with a comfortable grin, and Hyojong sent one back. Hyunggu’s voice was different, like everything else about him, but that part surprised Changgu a little more than the others, though he didn’t know why. It was a nice voice, a soft, pleasant one.

 

“Are you okay?” Hwitaek asked, breaking through Changgu’s thoughts with a curious look and concerned tone. Changgu laughed awkwardly, brushing his hair back in a motion he hoped looked casual.

 

“S-sorry,” he said, reigning in the shake as much as he could. “I’m more tired than I thought I was. But, uh, this is Hyunggu?”

 

Hwitaek gave him a deadly look, one that suggested he thought the other was still teasing him over his infatuation (oh dear  _ god _ , he couldn’t let that happen,  _ ever _ ). Hyojong answered him instead, with a nod to him and Hyunggu both. “Yeah. Hyunggu, this is Changgu.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Hyunggu said instantly, smiling easily and without hesitation, and Changgu’s heart melted instantly because it was another face but it was, most definitely, still  _ his _ smile on that face.

 

A few moments longer than natural passed before Changgu could gather himself enough to smile back, feeling by the pull that it was more of a wince than a true smile. “You too.”

 

“Hui-” Hyojong started, but was cut off by Hwitaek himself speaking to Hyunggu.

 

“Do you want a drink?” he asked, and Hyunggu hummed in thought while Hyojong looked a little surprised at being talked over.

 

“Yeah, sure. Just pop is fine, though.”

 

“I’ll go get it,” Hwitaek said instantly, far too much like an overexcited puppy, and Changgu probably would have found it endearing if it wasn’t out of his crush on Hyunggu. 

 

“Hui!” Hyojong called out hesitantly as his friend ran off, but Hwitaek just yelled, “Later!” in return, turning the corner. Changgu didn’t think he imagined the way that Hyojong deflated somewhat at his response.

 

“Hey, have I met you?” Hyunggu asked suddenly, pointing at Changgu and making the poor guy’s heart jump. Changgu gave an awkward laugh.

 

“Maybe. I’m a drama major, too.”

 

“Really?” Hyunggu asked, interest piqued with an expressive raise of his eyebrows. “Maybe that’s it.” His tone sounded doubtful and Changgu kind of wanted to cry, to shake him or kiss him until he remembered, but he knew full well that that wouldn’t make anything good come out of this. “Hey, where’d Hyojong go?”

 

Changgu frowned, glancing to his side and seeing that his friend had left at some point between Hwitaek leaving and that moment. Come to think of it, he’d been acting a little strange before then, too. Maybe he was already tipsy. “He probably went to greet more guests.”

 

“I guess,” Hyunggu hummed in agreement, nodding slowly, and perked up slightly upon seeing something behind Changgu. “Oh, there’s Hui again.”

 

Hwitaek joined Hyunggu on the other side of the counter and slid him a pepsi can, while holding his own cup of something, probably alcoholic. Hyunggu thanked him and the way that Hwitaek lit up would have been incredibly cute if it weren’t for that stupid crush thing.

 

“Do you drink?” Hyunggu asked Changgu, surprising him, but Changgu shook his head.

 

“Not really. I don’t like alcohol.”

 

“Me neither,” Hyunggu admitted. “Not unless I’m already drunk, I don’t mind it then.”

 

“I like it,” Hwitaek interjected, lifting his cup for emphasis. “Even the cheap stuff isn’t that bad.”

 

“Oh, Hui,” Changgu spoke up, gathering his friend’s curious attention. He tried not to sound pointed when he asked, “Do you know where Hyojong went?”, but figured it may have came out that way. It didn’t appear to matter, because Hwitaek just looked confused.

 

“No idea, I didn’t see him on my way back. Why?”

 

“... No reason,” Changgu breathed after a second of hesitation, backing up from the counter. “I’m gonna go find him. It was really nice meeting you, Hyunggu.”

 

The smile that Hyunggu gave him was so soft and kind, sending his head into such a spiral that he almost didn’t hear the, “You too, Changgu,” before he turned away with a half hearted wave.

 

He hadn’t really planned on going to find Hyojong. He’d just wanted to step away and think clearly for a few minutes, maybe get his breathing and thoughts under control, but he found himself looking anyway. It wasn’t hard at all to find him, slumped on the couch with an almost comically dejected pout on his face, now clutching a beer can in hand.

 

Changgu sat down next to him and Hyojong barely reacted, staring straight ahead in a way that wasn’t quite like Hyojong. He didn’t acknowledge Changgu at all, in fact, until the other spoke up.

 

“I guess Hui really likes that Hyunggu kid.”

 

Hyojong grunted in agreement, not moving his gaze, and Changgu got the sense they had very similar feelings here just half a second before Hyojong’s actions clicked in his mind and he almost kicked himself, for being so incredibly slow and insensitive.

 

“You like him.”

 

Changgu wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he’d expected. Denial, maybe. Hyojong laughing it off, probably. He didn’t expect the hesitation, and then the slow nod before Hyojong sunk even lower down the couch. From the look of it, the poor kid had it bad.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Me too,” Hyojong mumbled dejectedly, taking a long sip of his beer. “You, uh- do you know Hyunggu?”

 

Changgu bit his lip, considering his answer for a good few seconds. Finally, he nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I don’t think he remembers me.”

 

“You like him?”

 

Changgu turned his gaze sharp to Hyojong, the other looking up at him unblinkingly. Against his will, Changgu nodded slowly, and Hyojong laughed with only slight humor.

 

“Wow, that’s one fucked situation we’re in, huh?”

 

“I guess so,” Changgu admitted, looking out over the party guests filtering in and out of their current room. He saw Hongseok and Jinho talking to some pretty girl, over by the windows across from them, and caught sight of Wooseok and Yuto turning the corner and walking up the stairs to the side. He wondered idly where Yan An and Shinwon were for about half a second before he leaned back on the couch and watched the crowd lazily with Hyojong, eyes not quite seeing but brain running and comprehending at a thousand miles a second.

 

\---

 

It was four in the morning when he got a phone call from an unknown number.

 

The vibration of his phone next to his pillow was jarring enough to confuse him for a good few moments until he understood, and then checked the caller ID. There was none, he was being called by an unsaved number with a familiar area code, one he knew very well was local. He figured it was probably one of his friends, and given the time and how late it was he grew nervous, wondering if something bad had happened.

 

He answered the call and cleared his throat to talk, but the voice on the other end beat him to it.

 

“Hi.”

 

It was one word, but it was enough to make him sit upright on his mattress. Or rather, the  _ voice _ was enough, because he instantly knew it was Hyunggu’s, and his heart started to race with memories returning from the party that night. He was so busy sorting through his own thoughts that he didn’t even notice that he’d been silent until Hyunggu added a hesitant, “Hello?”

 

“Sorry,” Changgu said quickly. “I- sorry, I’m still half asleep.”   
  
“I’m the one who woke you up, I’m sorry,” Hyunggu insisted, hesitant and anxious sounding. “I- I asked Shinwon for your number.”

 

“I would have given it if you’d asked,” Changgu said, even as his thoughts still kept wandering to how late it was, and wondering what it could be that Hyunggu needed so late. He didn’t mind, not really, because it was  _ Hyunggu _ , but Hyunggu didn’t know anything about him and this was a very strange thing to do with someone you’d talked a few minutes with at a party.

 

“I only thought about it just now,” Hyunggu admitted, and Changgu only feels hurt for about a split second before the rational part of him takes over. “Because I- I had this really weird dream, and I don’t know what I’m telling you about it, but… you were in it, kind of, and it was so strange that I just- I’m so sorry, it’s so late and this is out of nowhere-”

 

“I want to hear,” Changgu interrupted, putting his interest in his voice as much as he could. It wasn’t very hard, he’d been interested ever since Hyunggu had said ‘ _ really weird dream _ ’, feeling his heart rate pick up. “It’s no problem, tell me.”

 

He heard Hyunggu breathe in on the other end, giving a laugh that sounded a little strained. “Okay. It was- it was you, and me, and it was winter. We were walking down this one street without lights on, and there were fireworks going off farther away.”

 

Changgu knew instantly what he was talking about, instantly because he remembered it so clearly. He saw everything Hyunggu mentioned, but through his own eyes, the eyes of a teenager on New Years. He very clearly remembered looking at Hyunggu then, face lit by distant lights and surrounded by a fuzzy hood that made him look so cozy, but his expression was childlike contentment.

 

He didn’t think he could forget kissing him for the first time even if he tried.

 

“That sounds nice,” he said after clearing his throat, in a manner he hoped was casual.

 

“It was really nice,” Hyunggu agreed, sounded distracted by his own thoughts. “It was just- really strange, because it was so vivid. I felt the cold, and how the street smelled, and- shit, I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream that real.”

 

“... It sounds familiar,” Changgu managed to say, choosing his words as carefully as he could while his heart was racing, because Hyunggu was  _ remembering _ now and he had to fight the urge to run to see him.

 

“Familiar?” Hyunggu asked, confused and surprised, and Changgu’s thoughts halted. “That’s so weird.”

 

“I don’t know,” Changgu said, sitting his back against the headboard and shifting the phone to sit more comfortably in his hand. “Maybe I’ve been somewhere like that? Or seen a movie like that?” _ Or maybe I was there _ .

 

“Yeah. Maybe.” He could hear Hyunggu’s nails tapping against the back of the phone. “Oh my god, I should let you go.” His laugh was embarrassed. “I don’t know why I- I just woke you and Shinwon both up to call you. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just- I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be,” Changgu assured, with more intensity than he probably should have. “I- anytime you want to talk or hang out or anything, don’t be afraid to call or text me, okay?”

 

He really hoped he didn’t imagine the smile in Hyunggu’s voice when he said, “I’ll talk to you soon, Changgu,” before hanging up.

 

\---

 

He woke up the next morning to a text message asking him if he wanted to go out for coffee that afternoon, and he was so smiley and excited that he almost forgot to reply with an assurance that he did. He was grateful that he hadn’t drank anything the night before when he walked out of his room and saw his roommate, Wooseok, lying facedown on the couch with the lights off and grumbling about his footsteps being too loud. Changgu sent the kid back to bed with medicine and water bottles, and figured he wouldn’t be likely to come out anytime soon.

 

As he got ready a couple hours later, his thoughts traveled to Hwitaek and he half felt guilty, even though this wasn’t officially a date. His morals told him that this was kind of shitty, pursuing his friend’s hopeless crush. His heart argued strongly the other way, with the sound argument that  _ this is Hyunggu _ , and he couldn’t come close to disagreeing with that.

 

He combed his hair back agitatedly with his fingers one more time, then grabbed his keys and called a goodbye to Wooseok, who responded with something that sounded like an acknowledgment, but he wasn’t completely sure.

 

The coffee place Hyunggu had suggested was one of the smaller ones near campus, a nice place Changgu had been to once or twice but never paid much attention to. His phone said that he was fifteen minutes early and he winced internally for arriving so far before the given time, but he had barely sat down when he spotted Hyunggu coming down the sidewalk and walking in. They met eyes and grinned sheepishly, before Hyunggu joined him.

 

“I guess we’re both the early type,” Hyunggu said, and Changgu laughed in agreement.

 

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said, eyeing the scarf wrapped loosely around Hyunggu’s neck. It was early February and chilly enough that they both needed coats, though the comfortable warmth of the coffee shop would likely change that soon. “Morning.”

 

“It’s two in the afternoon,” Hyunggu corrected, amused. “But thanks, you too. I’m sorry for calling you like that last night.”

 

“It’s really not a problem,” Changgu insisted. “Besides, the whole dream thing. That was interesting. Did you go back to sleep?”

 

An expression crossed Hyunggu’s features for a moment, something Changgu couldn’t catch, before he nodded. “Yeah, I did. I had- a few more dreams.”

 

“What kind of dreams?” Changgu questioned, leaning forward without meaning to. Hyunggu hummed, looking towards the counter, and it took Changgu a few seconds before he realized that the kid was  _ teasing _ him.

 

“I’ll tell you after we get coffee,” Hyunggu said, giving a cheeky grin before getting to his feet. Changgu gaped after him and then covered a laugh, trailing after and standing with him in line. 

 

He couldn’t stop himself from staring, probably coming across as creepy, but his mind was making comparisons to Hyunggu and who Hyunggu was three lifetimes ago. Older, for one, but also a little shorter than before, with a more angular face and a smaller nose. Breathtaking in a different way than before, a way he wasn’t used to, but definitely a way that was welcome.

 

“What kind of coffee do you like?” Hyunggu asked, effectively bringing him back to awareness, and Changgu turned his gaze to the menu for the first time.

 

“Ah- something sweet, probably. I don’t like coffee that much.”

 

“Me neither,” Hyunggu admitted, and Changgu laughed.

 

“Then why’d you want to meet at a coffeeshop?”

 

Hyunggu’s cheeks reddened, and he shrugged. “I don’t know. It seemed like a good place to meet, I guess?”

 

Changgu turned back to the menu with a light smile. “Yeah, I guess you have a point.”

 

Once they had their coffee they returned to their table, dropping their coats over the back of their chairs and letting themselves heat up with drinks and warm indoor air. Changgu waited so long that he almost prompted Hyunggu to speak, but then the other opened his mouth and started talking.

 

“Changgu,” he started, hesitant and tapping his fingers against the cup in his hands, just like Changgu had heard him do the night before. “I don’t know- you’re gonna laugh at me.”

 

“I’m not going to,” Changgu assured instantly, Hyunggu’s eyes flicking up at him in surprise. “I swear.”

 

“You haven’t heard what I’m gonna say, yet,” Hyunggu said wryly, clearly not believing him. “It’s- it’s really weird.”

 

“Try me,” Changgu challenged, setting his elbows on the table and waiting. Hyunggu only paused a second longer before going on.

 

“What do you think about reincarnation?”   
  


That was it. Changgu’s heart clenched, eyes widening in shock at the quickness of the question, and Hyunggu misread his expression. “Yeah, I know, I’m ridiculous, but please hear me-?”

 

“I believe in it,” Changgu answered, cutting off Hyunggu’s request. Hyunggu seemed shocked, mouth falling wider open. “If there’s a purpose for a person to live more than one lifetime, then- yeah, I figure they probably come back.”

 

“... I think so too,” Hyunggu admitted, gathering himself again. “I think so too. So maybe you won’t think that it’s completely crazy when I say- Changgu, I feel like these dreams really happened. And I know I just met you yesterday and that it’s kinda- extremely- weird, to be saying that kind of stuff, because you were there, but,” he laughed, breathless, “I don’t know. I’ve never had dreams like that before.”

 

It was so much of a coincidence, Hyunggu remembering right after seeing Changgu, that Changgu couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t a coincidence at all. He thought that maybe there was something in this, in the idea that they’d been being reborn for specific reasons. In his lives before Hyunggu, he couldn’t remember having a purpose that he’d been so driven towards, the purpose of finding him and never losing him again. He considered, for the first time, that Hyunggu was his purpose, the thing that would end the cycle of his lives.

 

That was scary, too.

 

“... I think they really happened too,” Changgu admitted, meeting Hyunggu’s gaze and holding it as steadily as he could, when his heart was racing and his pulse was pounding in his ears. “What else do you remember?”

 

To say the least, Hyunggu looked stunned that Changgu was going along with this. “You believe me?”

 

“I really, seriously believe you,” Changgu said, with a half smile and sincerity. Hyunggu’s face lit up with relief and he breathed out, setting his coffee back on the table.

 

“... I thought you might think I was crazy.” he admitted, shaking his head slowly. He cleared his throat, and answered Changgu’s other question. “I- more than just a few dreams, actually. It’s been coming back to me ever since we met at the party. A couple things with you. I think he’s you, at least. You don’t look the same, but… yeah, I think it’s you. One time, the both of us in this kitchen? Making something, I don’t know what.”

 

Changgu didn’t have that memory, and he mourned the fact that he didn’t even as he nodded for Hyunggu to continue. Hyunggu straightened up, relaxing against the back of the chair. It was so surreal, seeing him, knowing he was remembering and that they were almost at the point where they could start again, from where they left off. His heart was light at the thought and he listened intently to everything Hyunggu said, remembering a few things, and some things having to do with Hyunggu’s lives before and after him. He remembered one or two stories like that from Hyunggu telling him three lifetimes ago, but others were completely new to him. Some were fragments of memories, some were entire stories. Each one was interesting, especially when Hyunggu was excited to talk and share like he was.

 

Changgu forgot about his coffee until it was cold, and the next time they checked the time they discovered they’d already been at the coffeeshop for two hours.

 

“Oh, shit,” said Hyunggu, looking at the numbers on his phone in surprise. “We’ve been here way longer than I thought.”

 

“I guess so,” Changgu said dumbly, equally surprised. “Do you need to be anywhere?”

  
Hyunggu shook his head. “No, I don’t. Do you?”

 

Changgu mirrored the motion. “No, I don’t.”

 

Hyunggu hesitated. “Then, do you want to come over for a bit? You don’t have to, just. Maybe we’ll watch TV and talk more, or something. It’s only me and Shinwon.”

 

Changgu only barely held himself back from giving a far too enthusiastic, “ _ Yes _ .”

 

\---

 

Changgu left Hyunggu’s apartment at eight in the evening, after eating a dinner of fast food that Shinwon brought back for them. They did nothing in particular, mostly more talking and discussing a random, unimportant show on the television, but it energized Changgu in a way he hadn’t ever anticipated. He took a bus home that night without telling Hyunggu that he remembered everything, too.

 

As for the reason why he held his tongue, he had no idea. It ate at him the entire time he was there, making him wrack his brain for some way to start talking about it, but he kept getting distracted and words didn’t fit right and really, was he in a rush? He’d just found Hyunggu again, and he didn’t plan to let him go.

 

He had no idea what he was so scared about.

 

\---

 

He had classes every day that week, so all Changgu could do was text Hyunggu and listen to his occasional calls when he remembered something exciting, but it was enough. He wondered especially if Hyunggu remembered the parts from New Years Eve onwards. He wondered if Hyunggu remembered dying. He didn’t dare ask.

 

That Friday, he was invited twice (once by Hongseok, another time by Hyunggu) to a hangout at Hongseok and Hwitaek’s apartment, and he agreed to go even though the thought of Hwitaek flirting with Hyunggu was… a little sickening. He felt bad for even thinking that, when Hwitaek was such a good friend, but he couldn’t help it. He just hoped Hwitaek’s crush was fleeting.

 

He arrived just before six with Wooseok in tow, to an already filled living room. There were ten of them invited total. He spotted Hongseok, Yan An, and Jinho talking on the couch with a bowl of tortilla chips in between them, and Yuto and Shinwon stole Wooseok quickly after his entrance. 

 

Hyojong, Hyunggu, and Hwitaek were sitting on the ground in front of the coffee table, Hyojong looking awkward while Hyunggu and Hwitaek talked across him, but Hyunggu cut off and waved excitedly when he spotted Changgu. “Hey, hyung!”

 

“Hey. Changgu greeted with a smile, sitting on the nearby armchair and leaning forward. “Hey Hyojong, hey Hui.”

 

“Hey,” they said. Hyunggu turned his body to face Changgu and Hwitaek looked a little surprised at being brushed off.

 

“How was school this week?”

 

“It was fine,” Changgu assured, smiling even though it was only small talk. 

 

They talked a little, conversation natural, and Changgu noticed the very obvious glances Hwitaek was throwing towards them even as he talked to Hyojong. Hyojong noticed, that was clear too, and after a few minutes of this he just sighed, got to his feet, and joined conversation with the group on the couch. Hwitaek furrowed his brow in confusion and appeared like he wanted to call him back, but he didn’t.

 

“You’re staring,” Hyunggu said, and Changgu started, turning his eyes back to Hyunggu’s direction. Hyunggu looked only slightly amused. “What’s wrong?”

 

Changgu leaned forward, sitting his chin on his hand. “... Nothing’s wrong.”

 

“Is it something with Hyojong and Hui?” Hyunggu pressed. “I mean, that’s who you were looking at.”

 

Changgu bit his lip. “It’s not my business.”

 

Hyunggu looked dissatisfied, but he nodded anyway. “Yeah, okay.”

 

Food arrived, pizza delivered at the door, and the gathered groups dispersed into one to eat. Changgu separated from Hyunggu and found himself talking to Hongseok, Jinho, and Hyojong in the kitchen, next to an open and already almost finished pizza box.

 

“What’s up?” he asked, and Hongseok covered his mouth to conceal a large bite of food, a common decency not everyone in the group had.

 

“We were watching Hwitaek following Hyunggu around,” he said, amusement clear in his tone. Jinho grinned too, turning his body towards the counter like it may hide it, and Hyojong mimicked in a motion so clearly false Changgu initially thought that it was meant to be sarcastic.

 

“Do you think Hyunggu notices?” Jinho asked thoughtfully, and Hongseok shrugged.

 

“I’d be surprised if he didn’t.”

 

“How are you?” Changgu asked Hyojong, and the older paused in his chewing, glancing at Changgu from the corner of his eyes, and then continued eating.

 

“Never better,” he said flatly. “How are you?”

 

“I was asking about you,” Changgu shot back, and Hyojong shrugged.

 

“And I answered. How are you?”

 

“I’m fine,” Changgu said, leaning his back against the counter and staring out over the group, as Wooseok pushed Shinwon onto the couch while playing one of those push games, sending Yuto and Yan An into laughter in the living room. He smiled a little, and saw Hyojong do the same as he turned back to him. “He’ll get over him.”

 

Hyojong looked up at him, and responded shortly. “One year.” Changgu barely had time to look confused before he continued. “That’s how long he had a crush on Kim Inseong, freshman year. Even though Inseong was dating Jaeyoon. Hell, I think they’re still dating. And then after that, six months crushing on Moon Taeil, and then at _ least _ nine months crushing on Jeong Daehyun. When Hui gets a crush, it lasts forever. He’s ridiculous.” Hyojong sounded almost fond, even though his tone was mainly just done.

 

“I hope not,” Changgu mused, picking up another piece of pizza even though he wasn’t hungry. Hyojong noticed the meaning in his words and eyed him curiously, but they were interrupted by Hongseok nudging Hyojong in the side, effectively gathering both of their attentions.

 

“Where’s Hui and Hyunggu?”

 

Both Changgu and Hyojong whirled around and scanned the visible parts of the apartment urgently, but Hongseok was right- neither boy was anywhere in sight. Changgu walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, but only saw Yan An, Wooseok, Yuto, and Shinwon sitting on the couch.

 

“Did you see where Hui went?” Hyojong asked, with a feigned casualness Changgu thought they all saw through, but Shinwon just pointed down the hall to the rooms.

 

“They went that way. To talk, I think. Hui said something about it being too loud.”

 

Changgu nodded slowly and sat down in the armchair again, the group settling into the living room while he couldn’t help but glance in the direction Shinwon had pointed. He trusted Hwitaek, that wasn’t the issue. It wasn’t like some random guy had taken Hyunggu into some room, it was his friend and he really,  _ honestly _ wasn’t worried in that context. It just made him nervous, wondering what Hwitaek could be wanting to talk about. He couldn’t help but notice Hyojong looking that way too every once in awhile, clearly feeling the same.

 

It was a few minutes later that Hyunggu came back to the living room (without Hwitaek, Changgu noticed, and Hyojong did too), and Changgu rose to meet him.

 

“Where’s Hui?” He asked, and Hyunggu winced, looking over Changgu’s shoulder to Hyojong.

 

“You might want to talk to him,” he suggested, sounding guilty and concerned. There was no hesitation at all before Hyojong was up and gone, only barely glancing back to lock eyes with Changgu. And then he walked out of sight and Changgu looked back at Hyunggu, aware at least a few of the eyes on the couch were on them.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

Hyunggu shrugged, though he couldn’t hide his bothered expression. “Not? For me? But Hui seemed a little upset.” At Changgu’s questioning look, he sighed and grabbed Changgu’s wrist to drag him into the kitchen. Changgu following obediently with his curiosity.

 

“What happened?” Changgu questioned, facing Hyunggu and leaning against the counter, while Hyunggu mirrored his position against the other one and crossed his arms over his chest. He swiped his tongue across his lips and tapped his fingers against his elbows, something definitely proving itself to be a nervous habit now.

 

“Hui asked me out, and I turned him down,” Hyunggu admitted. Changgu’s eyes widened, and Hyunggu shrugged again. “I don’t- I really don’t have any interest in him like that, even though he’s really cool and funny and everything. I think he took it hard though, so I guess I feel bad.”

 

“You don’t have to feel bad for not leading someone on,” Changgu pointed out, and Hyunggu smiled thankfully.

 

“Thanks, Changgu. I still do, though. Do you think Hyojong will make sure he’s okay?”

 

“I’m sure,” Changgu confirmed, no doubt in his mind. Hyunggu nodded.

 

“That’s a relief.” Changgu hesitated, opening his mouth and starting to say something, and then stopping. Hyunggu tilted his head. “What?”

 

“What do you remember?” Changgu blurted, and laughed awkwardly before elaborating with, “About us?”

 

“I’ve told you a ton of stuff I remember about us,” Hyunggu said, confused. Changgu shook his head, struggling with the wording.

 

“Do you remember what we were to each other?” Hyunggu stilled, staring at Changgu and not speaking, as if he was waiting for something. Changgu gathered himself and straightened up, staring right back. “Because… I remember.”

 

“You  _ remember _ ?” Hyunggu repeated, voice a bit too loud and high pitched. He covered his mouth, flushing a little at the ears. “When? How long?”

 

“Years,” Changgu admitted, watching Hyunggu’s expression turn dumb-stricken with surprise. “As soon as I saw you, I- I knew it was you.”

 

“And you didn’t  _ tell _ me?” Hyunggu asked, but he sounded more awed than angry. He pushed himself off the counter and walked closer to Changgu. “You’ve known this whole time and you didn’t tell me?”

 

“... I didn’t know how to say it,” Changgu said, somewhat defensively, and Hyunggu laughed. It surprised Changgu, but not as much as the constricting hug that followed, tight and comforting with Hyunggu’s head against his shoulder.

 

“I really missed you, asshole,” he mumbled, hitting Changgu hard against the chest. Changgu winced but didn’t fight back, instead hugging Hyunggu just as tight. Because they- god, they were them again, weren’t they? Them, and together. He’d found him. Kind of, he hadn’t been searching at the time, but he’d found him. There was something poetic in that, he thought idly.

 

“I really missed you too,” he said, more choked up than he meant to sound. Hyunggu laughed at him and wiped his tears.

 

Hyojong and Hwitaek came out and left a half hour later, while Hyunggu and Changgu were sitting hip-to-hip on the couch, and Changgu couldn’t help but notice the way that Hwitaek was looking at his friend as if he was figuring something out.

 

\---

 

“I can’t believe you,” Hyunggu said, sitting down in the booth across from Changgu as he arrived, and Changgu grinned back at him. “We dated for, like, six months.”

 

“That was in another life,” Changgu pointed out, humored. Hyunggu gave him an unimpressed look, and Changgu rolled his eyes. “I want to do it right.”

 

“I’ve dated before, I know how dates work,” Hyunggu pointed out, opening his menu in front of him. “You don’t have to be cheesy.”

 

“Have you met me?” Changgu asked, in a similar tone, and Hyunggu laughed.

 

“Yeah, good point, I guess.” He tapped his fingers against his menu as he looked. Changgu noticed, leaning forward and setting his chin on his palm.

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

Hyunggu flicked his eyes up, bit his lip, and then dropped them back down. “Hui and I are talking again.”

 

“That’s a good thing,” Changgu commented, and Hyunggu nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Yeah. It really is. I’m happy about it. But he was talking to me about asking Hyojong out, and he wanted to know if it was too soon.”

 

Changgu perked up, interested. “What’d you say?”

 

Hyunggu snorted, shaking his head. “I said that, if he thought that Hyojong was going to turn him down, then he’d ‘have to be fucking blind’.”

 

Changgu laughed, covering his mouth quickly on account of them being in a public restaurant. “Good. You’re right.”

 

“I know I am,” Hyunggu said, grinning. It was a pretty look on him, showing all his teeth and displaying dimples, and scrunching up his nose just slightly. Changgu felt his expression soften and dropped his gaze in hopes that it would hide the blush on his face. He was pretty sure he didn’t succeed, Hyunggu didn’t comment on it anyway.

 

“Hey, Changgu?”

 

“Hmm?” Changgu asked, alert and interested.

 

“I’m really glad that we found each other.” Hyunggu admitted. He didn’t drop his face this time, didn’t try to hide away even though he was awkward. Changgu found it incredibly endearing. “I- I know you had lives between this one and the other one we shared, and the fact that you looked for me then… thank you. Even if you didn’t find me, thank you.”

 

“... You’re being sappy,” Changgu commented. He felt his eyes grow slightly wet, and closed them. “You’d have done the same thing.”

 

“You’re right,” Hyunggu said, and when Changgu gathered himself enough to open his eyes, the younger was smiling. “I would have.”

 

Changgu smiled back, reaching across the table for Hyunggu’s hand, and he was given it.

 

He thought, maybe, looking at Hyunggu as he searched the menu and rubbed circles against the back of his hand, that his purpose had maybe been fulfilled in finding Hyunggu. And that idea was the most relieving and happy thing he’d experienced in any of his lives.

**Author's Note:**

> [my listography!](http://listography.com/jinhoes?m=6404158689)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> yell at me about ptg and my writing on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/jin_hoes) or [my tumblr](http://jin-hoes.tumblr.com)


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